The Light Shines Through the Darkness and the Darkness Does Not Overcome It

I love fall. I love the smell of wood smoke in the air, and the way the light changes in September  from a warm, summer color, to a cooler, fall color. I love the crisp, cool mornings, that turn into warmer, summer-like afternoons. I love crunching through the newly fallen leaves, and raking them into big piles of red, orange and yellow. I love tall boots, warm sweaters, and cozy blankets.

Despite all of these things, each year I dread the arrival of fall.  As the sun begins to set earlier each evening and the morning light begins to change to a glowing orange color that arrives later each day, I am forced to face the harsh truth that soon the days will be long, and the amount of daylight we have will be short. You see, I suffer from seasonal depression, and in the quiet places of my heart, fall signals the return of the season of darkness. I know that once the leaves have all fallen and the calendar turns to November, I am going to begin an uphill struggle for my emotional, mental, and even physical well-being.

I have referred to the hardest times in my marriage as a "season of darkness", and it is for many of the same reasons that I refer to winter as the season of darkness. When I fall into a seasonal depression, everything becomes dull and meaningless. It is hard to find the joy in everyday things that normally bring happiness, and even the easiest tasks become a struggle. In the darkest days of my marriage it was hard to find the joy in the every day tasks of living, and it felt similar to being in the middle of a depression. I don't believe that it's any coincidence that our problems often feel large and overwhelming in the middle of the night, when the darkness is large and overpowering. I find that it often helps to get up and turn on all the lights. Once the darkness ebbs, or morning comes, those problems that seemed so huge and larger than life in the middle of the night, often become more manageable. It is the same with seasonal depression. Once spring comes, and the light returns, my mood beings to improve, life beings to look up again, and everything falls back into what I like to consider "normal". In Genesis chapter 1, it says, "God said, "Let there be light, " and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. The light shines, and all is right again.

Last winter, I began taking Vitamin D supplements, and found that they really improved my mood drastically. I also infused my house with more light. Extra lamps spread throughout the rooms I frequent the most helped, as did an influx of candles.

This fall, just in time for the holidays, DaySpring is launching their new Everlasting Light collection, which includes these beautiful new candlesticks. Perched on a mantle, or gathered in the center of a table, they are the perfect solution to holding back the darkness of the shorter days of fall and winter. They would also make a wonderful gift, and come in the set of three, shown in this photo.

They are made of mango wood, and range in size from ten and a quarter inches to fourteen inches high. They are handcrafted in India, and the candles are not included.

If you are looking to make your space feel a little bit bigger and brighter, this gorgeous sunburst mirror might be just the thing you are looking for. Hung on a wall, set on a mantle, or even perched on a shelf as part of a small grouping, it is sure to add a bit of sparkle to your day.

It is also made of mango wood, and has a sawtooth hook for hanging. It is twenty-four and a half inches in diameter, and is just the sweetest thing ever.

I can envision it hanging in a college dorm room, with white twinkle lights surrounding it. How cute would it be in a nursery with a celestial theme? It would be perfect on the wall of a guest bedroom or even a small bathroom. There are so many decorating possibilities to choose from. The neutral color of the mango wood will match just about any decor. Right across the bottom it is etched with the verse, "You will shine.. like stars in the sky" Phil. 2:15.

In addition to home decor pieces, DaySpring also has several pieces of beautifully crafted inspirational jewelry pieces in their Everlasting Light collection, in both silver and gold tones. I was particularly drawn to this pewter bracelet that reads "Shine Your Light". It is made of nickel-free, lead-free pewter and is adjustable from six inches to seven and a half inches.

The back is engraved with "Phillipians 2:15".
The verse is the same as the one etched on the mirror, "You will shine...like stars in the sky".
There is an enclosed card that reads, " Each piece in this collection captures the awe and wonder of the heavens and reflects the creative of our Creator God. Look to the starts and remember- God has separated the light from the darkness. His light is in you too- so shine on! 


Whatever season you find yourself in right now, there is sure to be something beautiful and encouraging in the new Everlasting Light collection from DaySpring. The darkness is coming, but the light shines through the darkness, and the darkness does not overcome it. John 1:5. 

When Your Teenager Refuses to Be Helped

My daughter is a cutter. I have known this for at least a few years now, and there is nothing I can do to help her. She blames me for the fact that she cuts herself, and that simple fact breaks my mothers heart. She started cutting to deal with the pain of her father and I not having a very positive relationship for so many years. She claims she didn't know how else to deal with it, and so she took to cutting. Something her brother had done in the darkest depths of his depression, when he needed to know that he could still feel something. A mimicking act, maybe, but that is neither here  nor there. I noticed right away, as her body part of choice was not hidden and called her out on it. She vehemently denied it, and then told me what was up, and that she was going to stop.

My daughter is a habitual liar. She has been lying to me since she was old enough to string sentences together. She will lie to get out of trouble, to save face in front of her friends, and to hide things she would rather you did not know. She will continue to lie even when  you have called her out on it, convinced that she will somehow get away with in the end. There are very few things my daughter has successfully lied to me about.

What my daughter doesn't realize, because she is too wrapped up in her own self-absorbed world, is even on the days that my husband and I continue to not get along, we are making progress. We stumble, because we have a break down of communication and someones needs are not getting met. But we work through it, better than we ever have in the past, and we move forward, having learned from each experience. All she hears is the disagreements and decides that her world is falling apart.

My daughter cannot have a healthy relationship with any boy, because she was in a bad relationship with someone that ended because he tried to go too far against her wishes and she has not dealt with it in a health manner yet, and it haunts her.

She suffers from poor self-image issues that started right around the time she was diagnosed with food allergies. I have spent her whole life telling her how beautiful she is, but she looks in the mirror and sees someone who she feels is fat and ugly. It breaks my heart. As someone who has suffered from crappy self-image issues for 30 years myself, from being abused as a child, I don't know how to help her. Just when I was finally starting to feel good about myself, my health went to crap and my body failed me. I have wasted away to nothing and my hair is falling out, and how can I tell her that it's so important to feel beautiful, when I don't feel that way myself?

She has written suicide notes, whether because she felt she was at the end of her rope, because she wanted to see how it felt to actually do so, or for dramatic effect. That she would do so, knowing that her brother attempted to take his own life, feels like a slap across my face and the biggest "fuck you mom" that I can imagine, pardon my crass language.

In the end, you can choose to either accept the help you are offered, or continue down your own self-destructive path. Over the winter, I called a local therapist, on the recommendation of a good friend who suggested another therapist who was full, and gave me this one instead. Highly recommended. They hit it off right away. She went for several months, and worked on everything except her deepest, darkest issues. The things that were most broken in her life and needed the most fixing. As a mother, who is watching her daughter self-destruct before her eyes, having tried to help her, I don't know what more to do.

I wish I had a positive roll model to give her. An adult that she trusted, or a couple she could look up to. Someone that she could talk to, who was not me, because clearly we don't have that relationship anymore. She lies to protect me from the things that I already know, and I cannot tell her I know them because I would violate that fragile bit of trust we have left. Raising teenagers has to be the most heart-breaking, difficult job in the world.