When I was finished the dishes I went out into the barn where we keep the camping supplies and fished out our air mattress and the pump. On the way back I picked up the sheets and comforter we kept when we got rid of our guest room that are stored in the hope chest out in the cold room off the kitchen. I took it all into my craft room and set up a make-shift bedroom. I went up to my room and retrieved my alarm clock, pillow, blanket, quilt and the books I keep next to my bed. My craft room is next too the office, and doesn't have a door, and I remember thinking as I shut the door to the office how grateful I was that we haven't gotten around to renovating that room yet, as removing the door that leads out to the family room is on the list.
I have slept on the couch several times over the past few years, mostly due to his snoring keeping me up, or my being angry with him and having gone to bed, then when he came to bed later I would wake up and not be able to get back to sleep so I retreated to the couch. This was the first time I had chosen to sleep apart from him in such a deliberative manner and it broke my heart. It didn't help that our bedroom is right on top of my craft room and our office. In order to sleep at night, I would lie my iPad next to my head, and stream a shuffle of Christian music stations on low. I found that the gentleness of the music, along with the messages of the music really helped my broken heart as I cried myself to sleep each night. Without fail, every night I woke up around 1 or 2 or 3am, unable to get back to sleep. I would read or waste time on the internet, and either go back to sleep, or just lie there and wait until it was time to wake up. The music kept me from going stir crazy. During those last few months of 2012 there were other weeks that found me back in that same spot, wondering if I shouldn't just get a better air mattress, or a warmer quilt that matched my room a little bit better. I would go on the internet and search, and look, but each time I thought I found something, I hesitated to order it. I'm glad now that I didn't. I think it would've been like giving up, and I wasn't ready to do that. During the last stay away, I discovered this song, which I think should be my theme song for 2012. Yet, by Switchfoot. It pretty much sums up my entire year.