Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Your Servant is Ready and Willing

The roaring of the wind jerked me awake out of a heavy sleep yesterday morning. A blinding migraine had sent me back to bed after silencing my alarm and when I awoke again to the angry howl of the wind it was almost 9am. I lay there, cozy in my bed for a few minutes while I took an assessment of the situation at hand. I determined that my both my head and my stomach still felt out of sorts, a carryover from the previous day and a result of hormonal fluctuations of which I have no control over. I basked in the warmth of the sun which was shining through the two windows that flank both sides of the headboard of our bed. Getting up at 5am rarely presents me with that opportunity and I considered, briefly, spending the day there.

Being home again today, with a slightly duller headache, and feeling much better now that the day has gone on, I've had the opportunity to do a lot of thinking. I've been reflecting on my job, and where it's going and how things are changing and how I feel about it all. I've been thinking about my life and what I want from it and where I would like to see it go. The only thing I know for sure, is that I don't like where my job is going.

I always knew I wanted to grow up and be a teacher. I went from wanting to be a Kindergarten teacher, to an Art teacher to just teaching kids whatever it was that they needed to know. I have spent a lot of years working at my job and I love working with the kids, I just hate all the changes the administration is making and the direction they are taking us in. They are sucking all the joy out of learning, and all the love out of teaching. I haven't ever considered what I would do if I wasn't working at my school, working with those kids.

I read something today that has stuck with me, because I keep seeing the same quote over and over again lately. 'Paul assures us, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion”  (Philippians 1:6).' I feel in my heart, that I'm being called to something else. That a transition time is coming, and I'm completely open to the idea of it, even if it scares me. I just wish I knew where I was headed, what His plans are for me, what that 'good work' is. Here I am Lord, your servant is ready and willing.

1 comment:

fillyjonk said...

I'm a college prof, and administrative changes are sucking some of the joy out of my teaching.

Not sure what I'd do if I quit, though: I don't know what other skills I have.