Thursday, July 04, 2013

On Surprises and the Unknown

I don't like surprises.

I am not the girl who's going to be happy to walk into a room and have her closest friends and family members jump out and yell surprise. You already know how I feel about large social gatherings. My mother-in-law was so upset that I didn't have a party to celebrate turning 30 that she went and told everyone that I was upset about the age and everyone shied away from even wishing me a happy birthday. I didn't have a problem turning 30. I just didn't want to have a party, because a party is not my idea of a good time. I would rather get together with a few of my closest friends and have lunch, or take a hike, or anything else that is not a party. Now imagine how I would feel if I was thrust into a party I didn't know about ahead of time. I have spent the last 2 years reminding my family that next year when I turn 40, they better not throw me a party, and I'm not even kidding.

For this same reason, I don't like amusement park rides either. I don't like not knowing what's coming around the next bend, or what's going to be lurking around the corner. I don't like when things on the side of the ride jump out and startle you, especially if it's in a dark enclosed place. I don't like fast, spinny rides either, or anything that swings or turns you upside down. So really, amusement parks are not my idea of a good time at all. What I loved about Disney was that there were so many non-thrill rides and activities to do in the parks. Disney understands that we are not all in it for the thrill, and sometimes people need to know what's around the river bend. For years I was convinced I never wanted to go, because it was just a really over priced amusement park, and I was glad to be proven wrong. I am not a thrill seeker.

Not knowing what is going to be happening job-wise in the fall, has had this same kind of effect on me. Well meaning friends tell me that everything is going to be fine, and it will all work out the way that it's meant to. I know all of that. I have complete faith that just as everything else in my life has worked out the way that it was supposed to, not the way that I wanted it to, this will as well. It's the unknown that I hate. Not sure of what I'll be doing, and who I will be working with. Unsure of how I will get there and having to depend on someone else to do so. I hate the whole idea of that the most. I'm trying to trust that it will all be OK, and not spend too much time and energy worrying about it, but it's not always easy. It's kind of just like a surprise, and I hate surprises.

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