Sunday, August 03, 2008

Families Are Challenging

Families Are Challenging... this is what my SIL said to me yesterday in her kitchen. My mother had just finished complaining to her about me. The thing of my mother is, she's not quiet. The conversation in the other room we were in.. had just come to a pause, and we all heard her loud and clear. The look of shock on my brother and The Boys face confirmed that what I was feeling at that exact moment was more than justified.

The thing is.. we were supposed to be at my brother's to celebrate her leaving. A stop by on the way back from the airport to commiserate and reflect on the past 2 weeks. We were half way to the Ham Radio outlet, where The Boy needed to buy a cable when my cell rang. "You'll never believe this," she said. "My flight has been cancelled." Nothing strikes fear into your heart more than those words, when you've just breathed your first sigh of relief in a week. Turns out it was weather related and she couldn't get a flight out until the morning. "That's OK, right?" she asked. I told her no, it wasn't. The Boy had coordinated efforts to get his radio tower for a month and it was happening in the morning. My brother picked her up, called me and begged me to still come over, and so we went.

I haven't blogged all week because I wasn't sure what I could come here and say that wouldn't sound poisonous and hateful. My mother comes here with huge expectations of how our visit should go.. based on her perception of a relationship we don't have anymore. Obviously I am not capable of living up to these lofty expectations, and I disappoint her every time. It's been a very trying week, and I was glad to say goodbye to her at the airport and be done for another year.

Her comment from the other room was like a dagger into my heart. I couldn't believe that she, the nun, who preaches ad naseum about this and that and everything else.. could be so hurtful. It's bad enough she complains about me to The Boy, which I loathe more than anything else, this was the final straw. I sent her a lengthy email last night detailing our relationship over the last 10 years and where it started to deteriorate and why, and told her she is not welcome here next year. The Boy and Mr. Man are under strict instruction to inform her if she calls that I am not going to talk to her. I hit send after 5 minutes of contemplation, after taking out some lines, that while they were truthful, they were also hurtful and I wasn't stooping to her level. I BCC'd The Boy, and after he read it he told me that that stuff had been festering for years, and it needed to be said out loud. I don't regret it, but I am saddened by the whole situation.

Today I plan to do a whole lot of nothing and regroup from my week, and then tomorrow I'll start the business of enjoying the last 3 weeks of summer vacation.


Carly said...

big hug::::

Oh, I've been there. My mother calls and wonders why I don't talk to her. When she sets foot in my house she starts to criticize.

tspwlv said...

Sorry to hear this. Good job standing up for yourself. I'm proud of you. Now enjoy the hell out of the next three weeks. Coronas for lunch everyday!!!!

Gregory said...

If anyone understands that relationship...I certainly do. I wrote off my mother nearly two years ago and have not spoken to her since. I occasionally think about her and unfortunately wonder whose life she is screwing up now. I know that is bad...but unfortunately a mothers not a free ride!

Meghan said...


Meghan said...

PS, you got an award.
Come see.
On my blog

KathyMarie said...

Oh god. Big hugs for you and your family for dealing with this for so long. And a high five for spelling it out for her and standing up for yourself. That's not easy.

You deserve beauty in the next three weeks. And sometimes beauty comes in the form of beers. :)