Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We may not know what that reason is right away, and sometimes, in some circumstances, we might never know. Having said that, sometimes life throws things at us that just plain suck. Under such circumstances, hearing someone say, "Well you know, everything happens for a reason", or "God has a purpose for this", makes me want to punch someone in the heart. Or at least knock their teeth out.

Five people that I know (five.. and only one of them is a virtual friend!) are battling cancer right now. Five of the bravest people in the world as far as I'm concerned. Fighting the unknown, battling scary things like "stages" and "reoccurance" and "terminal", having to poison themselves in order to be healthy again (who else sees the irony in that?). Cancer sucks. Having cancer sucks more.

Right now, at this point in my life, I feel like I'm about to be buried in suck. It's not one huge thing, but more an avalanche of relatively small to medium things that has just been snowballing.. getting ready to knock me on my ass and test my faith and endurance. I'm worried. I'm not sleeping well. My running routine has gone to shit. My head hurts most days and I'm tired and run down. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, because at this moment, there isn't one.

Yet in the grand scheme of life, this is all nothing. When I think about those 5 people I know.. those 5 people who would probably trade all my crap and more to be healthy and not have to deal with that C word.. I feel so whiny and pathetic.  Stick a fork in me..... I'm done.

*no, not blogging.. just whining.

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