I came here tonight intending to give you a recap of my weekend and share with you about my beautiful sister-in-law's wedding, but my heart is too heavy and sad to do justice to such a special occasion, so I will tell you all about it tomorrow or the next day. There was going to be a photo here of my children, all decked out in their wedding garb, and I was going to lament a little about how grown up they both are and how proud I am of both of them. Instead I will share with you a photo my son took from the Cathedral steps yesterday after the ceremony was over, right as the sun was starting to go down. I'd like to tell you that he took it because he was moved by the gorgeous image the sun created over the city, but he was really just taking a photo of the radio tower in the distance. He's a bit geeky in that way.
I learned something about myself today. Actually, I don't think that's entirely true. I think I've known this about myself for a long time, I just tend to forget about it until it jumps out and hits me up side the head. It seems that I expect more of people then they are capable of giving, and am constantly disappointed when they don't live up to my expectations. I used to think it was that my expectations were too high, but I've realized that isn't the case at all. It's just the people that I expect things from aren't capable of giving what is is that I expect of them. In my heart, I have to believe that this is the case, because the alternative is that they just don't care enough and that is far too painful to think about and live with. What is sad and pathetic, is that I know this about them, and continue to let myself be disappointed over and over by the same things. I don't know why I can't just talk myself into knowing this to be the case and not being hurt, but I can't. I tell myself in my head, "I don't know what you are getting upset about, this happens EVERY time"... but it still hurts. It still rips my heart in half EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So tomorrow I will share about the wedding. It was too lovely for how I feel at the moment. Tonight I'm going to cry alone in my coffee, while my kitten sleeps snuggled up next to me. Until then.