Monday, December 31, 2012

Year End Wrap Up

I don't know that I have a photo from every month of 2011, but I'm going to look, and try and come up with one from each month, and see what we can find. It was a pretty lousy year, but let's see if we can find some highlights, shall we?

My boy asked if he could come hang out in my craft room. He wanted to bring his laptop and sit in my chair. He claims it's the  most comfy chair in the house, and therefore it was in need of sitting in. I gave him my blessing, and he spent the better part of an afternoon and an evening in there, just hanging out. That grey scarf wrapped around his  neck? The one he is wearing indoors, when it was nice and toasty inside the house? Especially in my craft room where the heat is pretty efficient and the walls are actually insulated? I made him that for Christmas. This photo was from January 3rd. He had worn it every day since.

In our family, your birthday gets celebrated whether you are here to celebrate it or not. On February 15th we celebrated Mariah's birthday, who is the little girl we sponsor through Compassion International. She turned four, and so I made vanilla cupcakes and we sang happy birthday to her. I took this photo, and included it my next letter to her, which I wrote the next day and told her all about it. I want her to feel included and special as she grows up. Not just like an obligation.

There were so many things to choose from in March. Ashley's performance in Singing in the Rain. The day we practiced shooting oranges with Epi-Pens in the sink. The highlight of the month however was definitely our trip to Florida with the band. We had such a great time and made so many great memories. Nothing will ever compare to watching those kids march down Main Street, and then again in front of Cinderella's Castle. It was just awesome. Best. Trip. Ever.

In April I drove out to the beach on a chilly Sunday to get away from the overwhelming sadness that was surrounding me at home. The ocean is the one place where I feel the most grounded, and I needed to walk the sand and watch the waves and pray and cry and think about what was going on in my life. It breaks my heart to read that post, and know that after all these months not a whole lot of anything has changed. In fact, I planned to go back to the ocean again today. The only thing that kept me here was wind chill temperatures in the low single digits.

In May, my very talented daughter performed in a production of Lend Me a Tenor at the High School. She played an angry Italian woman who's husband was cheating on her, and pulled it off magnificently. She used to want to go to school to be a chef. Now she tells me that she wants to go for performing arts. I'm not surprised in the least, and I think she has a real shot at it. I look forward to going to see her on Broadway someday, and plan to be her biggest fan.
In June, she was asked to sing the Star Spangled Banner at the opening ceremonies for the Relay for Life at the high school. She was so worried that she would forget some of the words and mess it up. I told her not to worry, famous people messed that song up every single day and all sorts of important events.  The funny thing was, the people who organize it weren't sure who was showing up, so they arranged for someone else to come and sing it also. So when she got there, she found out that this other guy was there, and they decided that they would sing a duet of it. As nervous as she was to do it, she did an amazing job, and he messed it up a little bit. We were so very proud of her.
In July, we went to the beach with one of her friends to celebrate her birthday. I took the day off from the farm, and The Boy™ took the day off from work, and we had a glorious time of it. Her friend slept over the night before, and we had 'birthday chocolate fondue' instead of cake or cupcakes to celebrate. It was probably more fun than anyone should have with food, but how often can you say that you had chocolate fondue for your birthday?
In August we went to Martha's Vineyard to celebrate our 18th anniversary. An old friend of ours spent last winter renovating an Inn, and we were thrilled to be able to stay there for a few days. I took this photo on the day of our actual anniversary, at a lovely restaurant we went out to for lunch. Seeing how happy he was here, and knowing what a rough month we had in September is so hard, but I love this photo. It's heartbreaking to love someone, and have things be so broken.
This little ray of sunshine was the best thing that happened in September. Right on the very last day of the month, she arrived into my life to offer some hope and happiness. To let me sit at the hospital with her, and her mom, and the nurse, while everyone else had to leave, and cry my heart out as I shared with her how hard things had been. It was such a blessing being able to share my burden with someone, and she has been such a blessing to me since her arrival.
In October, Corey and I traveled to his favorite spot in town, which is just across the street and down the bank, and shot a series of photos for his Senior pictures. After a rough few  years, it was so nice to spend the afternoon with him laughing and having fun. It's weird to think that come next October he will be off at some college, starting a new adventure all on his own. There are so many things I wish I had differently with him, and for him. I hope I have give him strong enough wings to soar out on his own.
During the last days of October/first days of November, and again during another weekend in November we toured 3 different colleges. One of them dropped off Corey's list of schools to apply to. One moved up and replaced MIT, and knocked it of Corey's list I've come to find out, and two are strong contenders for places he'd really like to go. It pushed him out of his comfort zone, and it was neat to see him an environment with his intellectual peers. If he can work on his time management issues, he is going to do just fine in college.
So we come to the end of the year. On Saturday my little ray of sunshine was baptized. The Boy™ took this photo with his phone and sent it to me. We aren't currently in a good place right now, and as much as I wanted to go, and be there for her special day, I wear my emotions on my sleeve for everyone to see. There was no way I was going to be able to pull off a family event, especially one where my FIL was going to be there. He can read me like a book. Corey and  that I stayed home, as he had to work that afternoon and plugged away at college applications and I undecorated the house. The week of vacation that I looked forward to for all these months hasn't been so hot, and I'm sorry for it.  So I ended this year alone today.  Left with my thoughts, to try and figure out where to go from here. He can't put forth the effort to talk to me about any of this, or the work to make things better, and that quiet voice in my heart says that maybe in that lies my answer. My oldest and best friend tells me how sad he is for me, and that I shouldn't quit. That The Boy™ loves me and hopefully he'll come around before it's too late, and I wonder how long I'm supposed to wait.

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