Monday, January 28, 2013

10,000 Reasons

Even through the darkest times and the loneliest nights, when I thought that my heart would break into a million little pieces and never be able to heal, I kept counting my blessings. Some days I was able to add to the list without much effort, and others I had to really struggle to find something good to write down. If I go back through however, I can find him there. Even in the darkness, though it was usually at the end of particularly rough bit, something would move me enough to write it down. We might be coming out of the darkest season of our marriage right now, but he truly is a gift, and he continually blesses my life in more ways that I can count. Have a look.

1. He swept and vacuumed all the floors because he knew I planned to do it after my shower. This happened over the summer, after a long day of work at the blueberry farm. Because we only have one car, he picks me up from work, and we ride home together. As you might imagine, working on a farm is a dirty occupation, and so during the summer I shower at the end of my work day instead of the start. I also come home quite exhausted, and on this day I must've looked beat, because he did my chores, on top of his own, while I was in the shower.

2. The way he takes my hand when we are in the car. He never used to do this. This started over this part year, as things have been difficult, after one of our big talks. Actually, now that I think about it, he used to do it when we were dating, but that stopped after we got married. Not only does he take my hand in the car, he holds it when we are out walking into stores, or on a walk, or somewhere else where the occasion to do so presents itself. It's sweet.

3. The way he listens to me ramble on even if I've forgotten that I've already told him the same thing before. This never was a problem before I started taking my migraine medication, but alas, here it is. He is loving and kind enough to never say, "You've already told me this before." He will sit there and let me tell him the same thing again, and even adds in his thoughts about it all over again.

4. The way he wipes the tears from my face. It doesn't matter if he is the reason that they are there in the first place, it's such a loving gesture and it touches my heart every time.

5. How willing he is to help out  my school just because I work there. They are supposed to put in Help Desk requests and go though the proper procedures. Often times they come to me and I send him a txt or a give him a call and he takes are of them because he has a special place in his heart for most of them, and he loves me. This was especially thoughtful because at the time we weren't even talking to each other.

6. Returning to our bed, and falling asleep in his arms. After almost 2 weeks of sleeping apart in September, it was such a gift to just be held in his arms and feel safe and loved again.

7. How he sneaks glances at me when we are driving together in the car. He is usually driving, and is supposed to be keeping his eyes on the road. I never could figure out what he was doing, until I asked him one day, and he said, "I'm just looking at you!" Awwww.

8. How he sat at the foot of my chair and rubbed my feet. It was the end of a long, crappy day at school in which I had to wrestle with a student on the floor, for the third time in less than a week, and I was sore and crabby and feeling defeated and ready for a new job. He came and sat down next to me, after bringing me a cup of tea, and rubbed my feet. It was so thoughtful.

9. He came and picked me up for work so I didn't have to walk in the pouring rain. After he brought Corey to school, he came back and waited for me to get ready so he could drive me and I didn't have to walk in the pouring rain. It was a total surprise when I came downstairs.

10. He puts up with me. This is a gift every day. If it wouldn't be so repetitive, I would write it every day, because it is 100% true. I can be moody, and irritable, and cranky if I haven't had enough sleep or my head hurts or work has been awful or the kids are making me crazy, or if it's winter and sad and depressed. It doesn't matter what kind of 'me' I present to him, he puts up with it in a tender and loving manner, and I can't say that I always extend the same grace to him back. I don't deserve him and I am so blessed.

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