No One's Got Much To Say...............

20 Things You Probably Already Know About Me:
(cuz right now, it's all I've got)

1. I have 4 brothers (all younger) and 3 step sisters (that I've never met). Number 4 out of the 5 of us is turning 30 next week and tomorrow we will all converge at S's house for some merry making and Rock Band and craziness. I've spent some quality time with my brothers as of late, but it's all been in sadness, and it will be nice to let loose and laugh for a change.
2. I have Chronic Headache Syndrome(seriously, that's what they call it). I've suffered from headaches almost daily since my big car accident in 1993. Don't do the math, it will make you sad too.
3. I don't often take anything for the headaches unless they are really bad, because I'd like to keep my liver a bit longer. Really, I'm tired of the headaches. I'd like to just be normal.

 4. My blood pressure is normally 80/60, which is low by anyone's standards.
5. Because of this I have a myriad of other issues, which also contribute to the chronic headaches. It's a vicious circle that I can't escape from.
6. My blood pressure on Wednesday was 96/58. I knew I felt lousy that day and thought it might low. I wasn't expecting 16 points higher. I blame the stress of the past week on that.
7. I haven't shaken the sadness yet. My Grandmother's funeral was sad, and beautiful and horrible all at the same time. My grandpa is just devastated, and seeing him that way about killed me. The priest gave a wonderful homily/tribute to my grandparents as a couple, and my grandmother by herself and then my grandpa. My cousin and I barely got through our readings in one piece, and another of my cousins gave the most beautiful and heart wrenching eulogy.
8. On Wednesday afternoon my SIL is due to deliver my brand new baby niece. This is the light in my grey world right now. I plan to do lots of baby knitting this weekend. I want to finish a sweater that should've been done by now, the blanket that I started yesterday and maybe a hat. Maybe not. I have a bunch of things I want to knit up, that I might save for later on.. maybe Easter.
9. We call the baby Berniece, because while they disclosed the sex, as with my nephew, the name is a surprise until the birth. It's a play on words and it cracks me up.
10. Max would be 2 now and I often think about him and wonder what he would look like now, and how he'd be a terrible toddler but it would be ok because all toddlers are terrors and my heart still breaks for my SIL and her husband.
11. They are nervous wrecks right now and if you wouldn't mind some good thoughts and prayers as they get through these last days until they have my neice safe and sound in their arms I would appreciate it greatly.
12. My favorite color is green. My school bag is green. My knitting bag is green/brown. My iPod is green. My laptop is green. I have plans to make my craft room green. This involves dismantling my guest room. I'm finally at peace with that decision. But not yet.
13. I have 3 cats, one of which came home in a lunch box in August. She was at the vets these past few days getting spayed and having some extra toenails removed. She has an extra toe on each foot, and between the regular toe and the extra toe on her front paw she also had an extra toenail. So she had those front 2 extra nails,and the nail on all her extra toes removed. It's horrible I know, but because of the complexity of her paws it was for the best. She's tired and sore and I'm happy that she's home because I missed her.
14. My mom came home for the funeral and I was civil and hugged her and told her I missed her and hoped she had a good trip back. I don't know how to move forward with her right now and I'm sad about the whole situation.
15. I'm ready to be done with all this damn sad. I need the bitter cold to go away and the sun to come out.
16. I had been doing good at fighting off the winter blues, and then the temperatures dropped into the minus degrees and the sky turned dreary and I have only gotten out once or twice a week to run for the past few weeks and the whole thing turned to crap.
17. I wouldn't really be happier anywhere else and know that winter is part of the deal, but I don't like it. Bring back the warm weather and sunshine, thanks.
18. It's 12:07 am and I am up way past the time I would like to be in bed. I normally go to bed between 11-11:30. What I'd like more is to go to bed by 10:30 because I'm generally tired by then and up early the next day. I realize this makes me older than dirt.. and I don't care.
19. I used to loathe dark chocolate and now I can't get enough of it and don't care for milk chocolate anymore. I bought myself a bag of Dove dark chocolates, and bring one or two to school in my lunch. A treat for making it to lunch without having killed anyone.
20. In a perfect world, I'd be warm and happy. The world is not perfect and I am cold and sad. Kind of like Meredith on Grey's.. dark and gloomy. I'm ok with that, because right now, that's where I need to be. I do have hope that soon I'll at least be happy again, because we all know warmth doesn't roll around until July.