You'll remember that this used to be my "dirt garden." Once a vegetable garden, it doesn't get sufficient enough sun, and for the past two years it has sat both empty and full of weeds. Last summer I wanted to plant flowers, but between painting the porch and working, it never happened. Over this past winter I dreamed, and researched and read. I decided that I was going to plant a garden with flowers that are attractive to birds. Between the hedges and the bird feeders, the birds spend a lot of time in this part of my yard. I planned out the plants, and waited. "Frost Free Day" comes late in NH.
The Boy bought me this lovely faux granite birdbath for mother's day. I actually got it last Friday before we went to Maine. It's fiberglass and hollow on the inside, intended to go over a well or something. I don't care.. it's awesome and I love it. Friday evening we turned the soil and removed the weeds.
Tuesday evening I planted the first of the flowers, and one shrub. They are baby plants and will take several years to mature and fill in.. but I can wait. Today while I was out in the barn checking out what size pots I have (I have a plan for some flowers on the old stoop in the backyard) I spotted some thick slate. There used to be a slate path through the back yard, and the slate has been either dug up by my kids, or myself and I saved it in the barn. I slowly moved it out (it's big and fat and heavy) and created a path through my garden. The boy came out and dug out two more for me so I could finish it. (grass doesn't grow above the slate). I love how it came out. I didn't have a full vision for how I wanted this to turn out when I started, but boy did that path drive it home. And the birds love the bath, which makes me all kinds of happy.
I did weeding in front of the house, in those small strip gardens next to the rocks. While I was weeding I spent some time thinking about my mom. I always supported my mom's decision to embark on a religious vocation, but sometimes when I'm feeling really selfish, I hate that she's gone. When we lived in the city, mom lived a few streets over and she would be over all the time. No calls, not invitations, just would stop over. Then she got a job working nearby and I saw her more. She broke her leg and couldn't go up the stairs to her 3rd floor apartment, and I invited her to live with me. She stayed on after she healed until she found a new place, a few blocks away. She would come over and stay late. She would offer advice I didn't want, and opinions on things I didn't ask for. She made me so crazy that I would hear her voice on the phone, or see her coming up the walk (usually I would hear her first) and I'd roll my eyes and huff.
Now that she's been gone for several years, I find myself missing those days. I miss being able to call her up on a whim and chit chat, or ask her for advice or help with a cooking dilemma. I miss hearing her voice telling me it's going to be OK when my world seems to be crashing down around me. When she comes to visit, sometimes I find myself looking forward to the end of the time, because she is a near impossible person to live with.. we are too much alike. But all the rest of the time, it's hard not to have her around. As a mother, I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to be so far away from all of us.. especially my kids. Or to have the thoughts about how she'll miss out when my brothers start having kids. I know I don't do a great job of always staying in touch with her, and I know my brothers do an even crappier job, and that must hurt her. Today, I hope that she knows how much we all love her, and that she is able to find happiness and comfort in that. Happy Mother's Day mom. I love you.