Some Things On My Mind

1. If you can't be honest with me.. keep your damn mouth shut. I don't want to hear stupid excuses about how you feel like crap. If you felt so crappy you would be home, not at your sisters house doing what you could to help with her. You can leave her for one afternoon to come to your nephew's last family birthday party. And if you're going to call and give me some lame arse excuse, use your cell, not her phone. I have caller I.D. and it will bust you every time.

2. If you're not going to bother to come, pick up the damn phone and call me. Don't leave me wondering if you are late. Or lost. Or off a ditch somewhere on the side of the road. I know you have a phone. Use it.

Say What?

It's time for another rousing edition of "Google searches that brought you here!" People amuse me to no good end. I love to periodically check my sitemaps, and I haven't in a while. These are the top 5 searches that lead you back here.

1. The Walrus and the Carpanter. Dudes. First off, Carpenter is spelled wrong. This post was done before Blogger got their head out of their arses and fixed the spell check for Firefox users. It doesn't appear that I blogged about the song.. but did blog about "I am a Walrus", and my woes with Carpenter ants on two different occasions. That is quite ok however. I love The Walrus and the Carpenter and quote from it often.

Eye Candy Friday- and a tag

For your viewing pleasure I give you my daughters first sewing project. She got a sewing machine from The Discovery Store for Christmas this year (thought I'd start her out small instead of throwing her on my big scary Singer with all the buttons) and she made a bag. (with a little help from mom). Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

And, It would seem I've been Tagged by Torreh. So, here you go:

A-Available/Single? No, happily married thank you.
B-Best Friend? My oldest and Bestest friend in the whole world is Greg.
C-Cake or Pie? Really, neither.. but if I had to pick one .. I guess cake.
D-Drink of Choice? Water. After that coffee. This year.. beer is high on the list.
E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? Burt's Bees Chapstick.
F-Favorite color? Toss up between green and dark red

It's Good To Be Finished

I started this project on January 26th of this year. I blogged about it here, on January 30th. I Finished this project tonight.. almost 12 months later. I am not proud of that fact. When I first started working on this shawl my MIL was in bad shape. In fact, her health was so poor around this time last year, in January we almost lost her. I worked on that shawl during that hard time, and it turned out to be a much bigger project than I expected. I put it away to work on other things, and would take it out on occasion.. but it was big. And boring. And the yarn sheds and gets caught in my throat.

A Birthday Letter

Dear Son,

I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I was your age once too. I know, I know... you can pick yourself off of the floor now. I'll wait. (cricket. cricket. cricket) OK, where were we. Oh yes. A funny thing happens when you get to be old like I am. It's something I like to call the wisdom of years. What that means is that having lived through an awful lot, I have a wisdom that you don't have yet. I am able to look at a situation, and based on past experiences, know how it's going to turn out in the end and act accordingly.

I was also 12 once. And I see that you look at a situation, and based on your limited life experiences, and jump right in without any thought to the outcome or consequences. If there is one thing I can hope to teach you before you leave for the great bit unknown, it's to stop and think before you act.

After The Storm

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. It's been a bit of a rough end to this year, and truth be told I'm not sad to see it end. I am hoping for a much calmer 2007. We'll see how it goes. I'm sure that old Father Time is having a good laugh on my behalf.

I finished my breakfast Christmas morning, and turned because across the other room I could see a burst of color out the window, and this lovely cardinal had come to visit the yard. He normally has his lady friend with him, and has for several years now, but this time she was no where to be seen. I'm hoping she just stayed behind or was in a tree close by. He stayed out there for a good 20 minutes, just sitting and watching. Often he turned his head in a manner that suggested he was watching me.. watching him but I'm not sure. And no, that isn't snow on the ground, just the street through the hedges.

They Kick You When You're Down

or.. How Could This Week Possibly Get Any Worse

If you come to my blog for my witty humor and clever writing (HAHA), I apologize for the lack of cheerfulness as of late. If you come here seeking knitting content, then fret not, I am still knitting (I need to do something or I might have to either a. revert back to smoking *and even after almost 6 years the temptation is still there on occasion* or b. start drinking more).. I just have no finished objects to share at the moment. I will have one tomorrow though and I promise I'll share.

You might remember yesterday that I mentioned a bit of dilemma about Christmas Eve. We've had quite a few discussions with various family members and had decided after all that it would be good for everyone for the family to gather tomorrow and the kids to be there, and for us to try and have a bit of "normal."

The Week That Kicked My Arse

Eye Candy Friday is supposed to be about showcasing fabulous photos. However, I'm not feeling fabulous nor festive. So I looked through recent photos that I've taken and not shared, and found this. I took this photo on Uncle Christmas. My brother gave The Boy this bottle of Scotch for Christmas this year. To the best of my knowledge, neither my brother nor The Boy drink Scotch, which just made it hysterically funny. And, it made for a nice photo, IMHO.

Today was the last day of school before winter break. Those of you who have been following my blog realize that this has been an extremely difficult year for me. There have been days when I didn't think I'd make it through to today. Days that have been so filled with anxiety and stress that my head seems to be in a constant state of "headachey". Days where the student I am working with has been so unsafe I've had to worry not only about my own safety but the safety of others and let me tell you that makes for a long hard day. Due to all this we've shortened his day by an hour and 45 minutes and if we have to, we'll suspend him completely. To say that I've been under a lot of stress would be the understatement of the year.

Blest Are You Who Weep and Mourn....

In the hours between last night and early this morning, before we could get a chance to know and love him, my nephew went back to be with God. He was due to arrive at 1:00pm this afternoon..and we were so excited. His mom had experienced some separation of the placenta from the uterus and they wanted to deliver him early just to be safe.

Sometime late last night, or early this morning, a piece of the placenta or uterus dislodged and wrapped itself around the umbilical cord, cutting off the oxygen supply to the baby and he passed away. When her water broke at 6am this morning we simply figured that this was the day no matter what. Nothing could have prepared any of us for what happened next.

Little Maxwell Christopher was delivered via Cesarean this morning weighing 10 pounds even. He is an impressive 22" long and has a head full of black hair. My own little family was not able to get out to the hospital today to see him, unlike the rest of the family, and for this I will be forever sad. They said their final goodbye's tonight at 6:00 and then took him away from his grieving parents. Our hearts are heavy and sad.. and the world was a little darker today.

So. Damn. Tired

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you,

Crazy is as Crazy does...

It's been a bit of a crazy weekend. In a weird sort of way, the weekend seems to be the harbinger of the week ahead. The last week before vacation is always a bit nutty. And the kids know their time is short, and it only adds to the craziness. On top of school craziness... we have family craziness. My favorite sister-in-law got engaged to a wonderful man last night and I couldn't be more happy for her. And on Wednesday another one of my sister-in-laws will give birth to my first nephew. Welcome to the holiday season.

Have Yourself.... Some Eyecandy

Dear Family,
I apologize for my behavior lately. I'm sure you have all but had enough of me, and I can't say that I blame you. If I have been short with you, or snappy.. probably you didn't deserve it. Unless you were driving me nutty and I had asked you umpteen million times to stop.. and then you probably did. Come to think of it, maybe the problem isn't with me, maybe it's you.

If it helps you to know, I feel just as miserable as I am acting. I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. Truth be told.. I feel empty. At the end of the day I just have nothing more left to give. And then I come home to you all.. and that isn't fair to any of us. You deserve more, it's just that right now I'm barely holding on and I have no more left. Most weeks I can make it to Friday before I run out of nice, and then a nice long sleep recharges me... but this week I had used up all my nice by mid-morning yesterday.

In Which We Find.. Last Minute Gifts

Ok, so we all know by now that I am finished my holiday shopping. I have a few stocking stuffers to pick up, and that is it. But in my quest tonight for some cheap (read free) distressing (read I had a really ass-crappy day/week/couple of months) I have found some funny stuff on the internet. People, have a drink (coffee, booze, your choice) and enjoy!

First we have this gem. Who doesn't love the old lady who swallowed a fly. Now your kids can have their very own version. I'm a little curious to know if you can actually stuff those animals into her mouth.. but not curious enough to buy one for myself. If anyone else feels so inclined... drop me a line and let me know.

A Few of My Favorite Things...

My parents got married in June of a long time ago. When their first Christmas rolled around, my mom and my aunt went to some department store, and went nuts buying all kinds of ornaments for the tree. There was a definite gold theme (think gold and metal.. tacky).. and as more ornaments were purchased later on, my mom made sure they would work with the gold.

I don't know when exactly she purchased these glass balls.. but I never knew a tree without them. I always thought they were by far the prettiest ornaments on the tree. There used to be a whole lot more, but over the years they fell off the tree and were broken. When my parents got divorced, mom asked if there was anything I wanted. My list was quite short. My Nana's trunk, the old family photos, and these ornaments.

A Book A Day....

Some years ago I read about a woman who had acquired Christmas books, and each night during December her family would read one together.

Not being one to pass by shameless stealing of others great ideas.. I adopted this tradition with our family. I keep the books in a basket that normally holds unread magazines, and each night we take turns reading a book until Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve The Boy reads "The Night Before Christmas" and so ends our month of stories.

Uncle Christmas-06

"May the new year be blessed
With good tidings
til the next time I see you again
If we must say goodbye
Let the spirit go with you
til the season comes round again

One night holy and bright
Shining with love from our hearts
By a warm fire,
Lets lift our heads high
And be thankful we're here
til this time next year"
~various artists

Snowy Eye Candy

" Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." ~Norman Vincent Peale

In Which We Find a Few Mental Health Days

I have ten more school days until winter vacation. That's two hands worth people. You math savvy types might be thinking I have 11 days.. but that is not the case. See, sometimes people who live in your household go and get themselves hurt real bad, and you have to stay home and take care of them. Sometimes, the gods smile down on you when you are having a really crappy year, and let you have a few surprise days off.. especially when things are the crappiest.

Mr. Man went to the Dr. today and had some x-rays. Looks like nothing is broken, but their might be a fracture (small).. and it might just be a first degree sprain. Or who the heck knows. I wasn't given a definite answer. But he got an aircast and asked if he could stay home tomorrow (his class is on the 3rd floor).. and who am I to begrudge him of some healing time? I might have done a little dance in my kitchen this morning when I was baking.. but shhhhh. Don't tell.

Random Wednesday

Dear Mother Nature,
I don't know what kind of sick joke you have going on over there, but knock it off already! First we had 60 degree weather in November. Now we have bitter cold temps coming. In case you didn't notice, Christmas is in 19 more days. Where is the snow? How 'bout 3 inches of the stuff.. just to pretty up the place? Just enough for maybe a delay at school.. I hate being in school during late June. But if you're going to travel down that road, bring it on! A nice all day long storm. I love a good snow day.
Respectfully yours,
B

Happy Holidays Mom

For several years after my parents separated my mom didn't have a Christmas tree at the holidays. She said she had no room, she had no need.. she could come over and enjoy ours.. etc. etc. etc. What it came down to, was it was too hard. Christmas was a big deal in our family. Mom was the host of the big family shin-dig, and went all out. The house was decorated to the hilt, the food was delicious and she was the star of the show.

It made me sad that mom didn't feel like she could have Christmas back in her life. No decorations for her apartments either. Even my kids noticed. Then one year, out of the blue she announced that she bought a tree. And decorations for the place. And lights and ornaments and the "cutest darn angel ever." I was so proud of her. She took Christmas back. If you click on the photo you can see angels I made for her brand new "just me tree".

If You Can't Stand the Heat....

Next weekend, my 4 brothers (all younger), their significant others and my dad will all descend upon my house for holiday festivities and merriment. My step-mother isn't well and can't travel this year so dad will come without her and fly back down to FL soon after. We'll miss her this year. This is our fifth year hosting what my children have fondly dubbed "Uncle Christmas." It actually stems from another old family tradition. See, when we were younger, my mother decided after a few years that she wasn't dragging her small children off to relatives and away from their new toys. We hosted Christmas dinner at our house until the year my parents decided to divorce. On Christmas Eve, we would go to church, and then come home for Chinese food and open our gifts. (this was once we were much older.. think I was out of HS by then).

One of my favorite holiday songs...

Sweet Little Jesus Boy~ Kenny Rogers

Sweet little Jesus boy
They made You be born in a
manger
Sweet little Holy child
They didn't know who You were.

Didn't know You'd come to
save us Lord
To take our sins away
Our eyes were blind
And we could not see
We didn't know who You were.

In Which We Find.... some Eye Candy

Each December, as a gift to you, my faithful readers (all 5 of you)... I make a conscious effort to not only blog every day but to share an image of the season. This year we have 3 full school weeks between now and Christmas, and if this week was any indication of how the rest will be, it might be a little trickier but I am going to try my darnedest.

It's hard to be festive and feel in the Christmas spirit when it's 60+ degrees out. In New Hampshire. Not only is it bizarre, it's unheard of. A few days of Indian summer aren't out of the ordinary.. but not a whole month. I'm sure my heating bill at the end of the winter will be thankful, as am I (not a fan of the cold).. but when you go from 60 degrees today, to 40 tomorrow and 20 on Monday.. that's a bit of a shock to the system. Your body needs time to acclimate to the cold. We didn't get that this year. The weather guru on the radio says they think we'll have lower than average snow fall this year, but more ice-type storms due to El-Nino. Not a fan of the El-Nino.