Monday, February 26, 2007

In Which We Find Monday...

We fetched the children from my in laws today. My poor daughter looks miserable, but her fever is down and I think she feels a bit better than she did. Mr. Man was bored out of his skull. Blamed his sister for getting sick and ruining the fun things they had planned for the weekend. He's however going off to his best friends for a sleepover on Thursday in which he'll not only have much more fun.. but probably won't sleep much either. (They were up till 2am last time he slept over here)

We had a discussion about a memorial mass for my nephew while we were there. Now I questioned this, as we already had a funeral.. and it seems in the Eastern Rite.. they have a mass to celebrate the death of a loved one a month after their passing. I have several issues with this, the most obvious being that Max passed away on December 20th. Any 2nd grader can tell you that it's been 2 months already, and by the time March 17th rolls around it will be almost 3. We can't attend, as that is the day of our town meeting. (it's also St. Patty's day.. I might wear green and show up sloshed... who says you can't be drunk for 10am) My MIL seemed irritated by this for several reasons. First up.. I don't think she feels we are "properly mourning". She made mention to me on the phone one time that because we didn't hold Max, he's like a "mystical being" to us.. and not real. Cricket. Cricket. Second.. my FIL is turning 60 the day before the mass. So even though I have asked.. and been told he doesn't want a big party and she can't handle planning anything... today she mentions that she thought we could all take him out to dinner that afternoon (the 17th). Because on the same day we have a memorial mass to honor the passing of my infant nephew.. the entire family is going to feel like going out and celebrating my FIL's 60th birthday. Brilliant.

My heart still aches for my SIL and her husband.. I can't begin to imagine the kind of grief and devastation they feel all of the time. But what I can't understand, is how or why it's crippling my MIL. It's almost like she lost her child.. the way she is carrying on. It's all she talks about. Anyone who is capable of hearing her.. has to hear it about it. Every single time they see/talk to her. She can't plan a birthday party for her own husband. She can't do this.. she can't do that... it's almost ridiculous. She told me today that she talked about it with my kids this weekend. That really pissed me off. I have already talked about it with my kids. They don't need to hear my MIL's grief stricken rendition of things.. but she tells me that she had to talk to them about him, so that they would know that he was real. Because apparently I wasn't able to do that for them... "mystical being" and all that. This pisses me off on levels I can't even express.

And now we're on the shit list because we can't attend the mass. And also we are causing problems with the great birthday dinner. No one ever asks us before hand about things they are planning to see if it works out with our schedules.. they just get pissed off when they all plan for something and tell us about it at the last minute and we can't make it.

Because I am a weak person (OK, so I'm not.. but it's been a long, crappy year and my resolve is weakened)... this whole series of events caused me to give up on my Lenten resolution to not eat after dinner. Sometimes nacho chips and salsa in front of the TV are just what the Dr. ordered. I had a long heart to heart with myself and my conscience, and decided that I don't give things up for lent to make me a better person.. I do it because it's expected of me as a Catholic and that's not a good reason. So from now on, I am not giving up a damn thing. I donate regularly to a bunch of nuns who are doing a knock up job taking care of homeless men (love you mom) and not only is it more meaningful, it's not because I have to.

*photo from the hockey game Friday night. Love how they have the team skate out with the colored lights through the inflated entrance.


Bec said...

It does seem like your MIL is dwelling. I know everyone handles grief differently, but doesn't she think that maybe her carrying-on might have an adverse effect on the healing of the baby's parents?

Maybe it's none of my business and I don't know the whole story... but I just wanted to let you know, I'm on your side!

tspwlv said...

Me too. Also, nothing goes better with chips and salsa than an ice cold Corona.