I found this quote today, and as it seemed to be fitting for a bunch of different reasons, I saved it.
" Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go." ~Author Unknown
I feel beaten. Like I'm fighting a battle with life, and the score is life: xxxx, me: 0. I shouldn't feel this way. Winter is over. We have made it passed the dreaded clock change, and spring is in the air. I saw lilac buds and smelled warmth today on my walk. The robins are playing in the yard (and mating as well much to my dismay) and the sun is staying in the sky longer each day. But I feel winters dreariness lingering in my soul. Like a visitor who has overstayed their welcome, and just won't go home.
I'm always a big advocate of giving up February and April vacation, having one week off in March, and getting out earlier in June. February vacation snuck up on me this year. April break can't get here soon enough. I NEED a break. I physically feel like I'm burning out. I need that hiatus to make it through the rest of the year with myself intact and in one piece.
The people who share my living space seem to pick up on when my mood is the darkest, and choose those times to make my life harder and more miserable than it already seems. Bickering issues. Petty arguments. Slacking off with their responsibilities, when it is now that I need them to pull their weight more than ever. Everything seems to pile up this time of year. Events and activities and meetings and being gone more than being home, and their just aren't enough hours in the day. I am at the end of my short rope, and I'm ready to let go.
So tonight, after a long day that started with having to physically force myself to get ready and go to work when all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch mindless TV all day, I plunked down with the kids, and watched The Easter Beagle. I don't understand the whole thing about Easter Bunnies and egg hunts and how it all ties in to a somber religious holiday (and before you start, I'm catholic and my mom's a nun so don't go there)... but I love the Peanuts gang and enjoy the specials anyhow.
And after having decided that dammit we weren't' coloring eggs this year, because the kids won't eat them and why the heck bother it just makes a giant mess in the end and I don't enjoy it, I will be picking up some dye and eggs on Saturday. Because, after all, they won't remember that it was messy and made mom crazy and they didn't even eat the eggs... they will remember that when they were kids, they always dyed eggs at Easter and mom had egg salad for lunch.