I Am Not Fine

People have the most annoying habit of being flip when someone asks them how they are. I am as guilty of this as the next person, and I will readily admit it. Isn't it easier to just say, "I'm fine, how are you?" Or, "Good, how are you?" when someone asks you how you are. Isn't it better than getting into a long discussion about how the person is, or how you are for that matter? When you ask, "How are you?" are you really wanting an answer, or are you just being polite? I find myself somewhere between those two ends. Sometimes when I ask I really do want to know, and other times I am just being polite.


Mostly when I answer the question though, I just say, "I'm fine". Or, "Good, how are you?" Except, sometimes I'm not. Lately I've taken to answer the question honestly. Some answers have been, in no particular order of importance: "I'm kind of crabby today." or "Lousy, actually." Another recent favorite, as of the past few months are, "Feeling a little frustrated and pissed off." Because honestly, that's how I've been. I'm involved in a situation at school that I can't disclose, that has me feeling all of these things. I've had an end in sight 3 times now, and it keeps getting pushed further and further back. Yesterday I waited until 20 minutes before I had to be at school to take my shower. Fastest shower of my life, but I think subconsciously, I'm so exhausted by it all that I don't even want to go. I love my job.. but not right now. On top of all this.. my grandmother is dying. She was put into a nursing home at the start of the school year, so I've had time to get used to the idea.. but recently has really gone downhill and it's just one more layer to add to the shit-cake that is my life right now. So if you must know, I'm not fine, but thanks for asking.