Friday, January 13, 2006

Restless Tonight...

Every once in a great while, the universe hits you with something that completely knocks you off your feet. Something so absurd, that no matter how hard you try to wrap your mind around it, you just can't. I found myself in a similar situation recently. I was caught, completely off guard, in such a bizarre thing that I felt like I couldn't even function normally.

For days I struggled. How could this be possible, my logical brain thought. I stressed and worried and rationalized and re-rationalized until I wasn't even rational anymore. And on the other hand, my heart told me something different. And so they battled. And it got ugly for a few days. And secretly, in the darkest recesses of my mind, I wasn't sure who I wanted to win. I didn't know what I wanted the outcome to be. I could give 6 reasons why I wanted one, and half dozen reasons why I wanted the other. I entertained a dozen different scenarios in my mind. And my heart entertained a dozen others as well.

And in the end, it worked out the way it was supposed to work out. And while my logical mind secretly knew all along that it would, my heart is a little bit sad. So I leave you with this lovely photo the boy took last weekend, and the section to a song I have running in my head by Finger Eleven.

" Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something"


Awesome Abby said...

Beth, everything you said, I could have said. only my heart won, not my mind. But it is OK. Now. it wasn't then...but it is now. I"m glad things worked out for you, but i understand. Really. I do. XOXOXO

Lissa said...

I totally understand where you're coming from. I waited two weeks for the same answer you got, struggling with the how can it be's vs. it will be wonderful...

Sometimes we wish our hearts win more often but in all His infinite wisdom, He shall make us aware that our wants are far greater than our needs I suppose...

You have my thoughts my friend... Hugs...