Sunday, June 18, 2006

Some Thoughts on Father's

Every year, when it comes time for Father's day.. I stop by the card section of the store, thinking I might buy my father a card. I flip through funny ones, and sweet sentiment ones, and sappy lovey-dovey ones. And every year I go home empty handed. So I make manly cards and mail them to my dad and my father in-law. My FIL gets a nice written note inside about what a wonderful man he is and how blessed I feel to have him in my life, and my father gets "Happy Father's Day" and a signature. I am not ashamed to admit this, but the whole idea of it makes me sad.

But I refuse to pretend. I will not create a facade for good show. I consider it a monumentous enough feat that he gets a card. That mostly is for show. I have a stepmother who has no idea the bad relationship I have with my father. But I don't call. Every year I say I am going to call, but I can't bring myself to pick the phone up and do it. What do you say when there are no words that express how you feel?

Every day, however, I am grateful for my FIL. I am grateful for the wonderful role-model he was to my own boy. He showed him what it was like to be a good dad. How to be a dad, and not just a father. He means the world to me, and I try to show him that every chance I get.

Maybe some day I will be able to sign my dad's card, "Happy Father's Day. I love you."

Hopefully it won't be too late.

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