Sunday, December 19, 2010

When I Get That Feeling....

December 19: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?  (author: Leoni Allan)

I came here intending to post that I didn't receive any healing in 2010. I didn't have an area of my life, or a relationship that was in need of healing, other than with my mom, and I already blogged about that.  I sat here, and started typing, and decided that if I posted that, and went on to write about it, I would be a liar. I didn't intend to be a liar, I just had a moment of forgetting. That I could forget, says a lot about where I am now compared to this time last year.

If you are a long time reader of my blog, or know me in real life, or have even gone back and read the past year or two of posts here, you would know that my husband and I went through a really rough patch during the later half of 2008 and most of 2009. . Not just a rough patch, I'm talking.. a real bad time. A lot of different things were going on at that time including him working a million hours and putting work first before everything, and me being in a bout of depression that I didn't recognize until later on.. to name a few. It was ugly. I won't even try to gloss it over. For a while I wondered if we'd actually survive together through it. Throughout the past year, however, we have been working really hard on patching our relationship, and our marriage, and I have been working on patching myself. I am not going to lie and say that it has been easy. It has been a lot of work, and we have had moments when we have gone backwards instead of moving forward, but we are getting there. One of the things that I have learned through all of this, is that I need to communicate better with him. I told him all during that time how I felt, but I didn't put it into words that made him think, "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger." The day, or night (I can't remember) that I finally let it all out and told him that I didn't think I could do this anymore, to him, was like hearing it all brand new for the first time. He heard the words I had been saying, but he didn't HEAR what I was saying. That is something he has been working on. It has been a slow process, but I can honestly say, that the past few months, maybe even the second part of this year.. things are better. Things are a lot better. I wouldn't say that they are back to how they used to be, which is a good thing. How they used to be wasn't working so well. We are doing much better, and if nothing else. it has brought us closer together and made our relationship stronger.

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